Hasbro held a collector preview this afternoon at the Time Square Center in NYC. The highlight of the show was the reveal that a special edition Jar Jar Binks frozen in carbonite figure will be sold at the San Diego Comic Con 2012.
Star Wars fans should plan to buy this as a badge of honor for having braved through the three prequels. Though, Hasbro and Lucasfilm missed out by not offering this as a hand out during this weekends The Phantom Menace 3D shows.
Last night, at 3am to be extra exact, the internet world went a crazy over the fact that the Amazing Spider-man trailer was released. Well, I will play the minority here saying that the trailer is extra ho-hum. And I will go so far as to pointlessly say that this Spider-man is the “TAB Clear” of movies. And yes, no need to ask. I will think of the Avengers movie as the Cheesy Gordita Crunch of super hero films.
See back in the day, WB and Pepsi Co. decided to make a huge and dramatic change. Superhero movies were full of glee and color and the cola world was getting outdated due to the start of the healthier is more gooder push by society. WB and Pepsi Co wanted to be edgier by changing the game. WB’s game changer was Chris Nolan’s Batman franchise. Pepsi gave us Crystal Pepsi.
Sure, it is all fun and games during the Sam Raimi Spider-man experience. But the previous three Spider-man’s were far from perfect. Truth, according to me, be told, if not for the plot, characters, dialogue, special effects, and pace, these movies worked very well and were successful. But these movies felt not as rough as the more popular Batman franchise. So the natural conclusion was to blow it up and go with a darker re-boot.
What the Coke did and what Sony will eventually do is make a blatant copy of their rival’s idea. So here we have our TAB Clear Spider-man and lots dark evening shots trailer. Watch carefully as our Lizard uses the toilet.
I really can wait for this.
Dear Mr. Michael Bay,
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for reading my site. It is through support like yours that makes me do what I do that much easier.
As you are aware, one of the great things with Hollywood 2011 is consistency. More specifically, the movies of 2011 all share one thing in common; not making sense. The kind hearted Hollywood folk really have decided to play it safe by sending out a few sequels, a few reboots, lots of comic book heroes and a few raunchy comedies to appease the masses. However, you, sir, decide to Santini the norm by using the beloved Toy Story 3 as your character map.
For that, I commend you.
Toy Story 3 is a Pixar film loved by all despite it just being a rehash of the first two films. However, TS3′s positive reaction on the Rotten has not been found by your TF3. This fact borderline shocks me as it is clear that your Transformers tale is a superior product simply because it takes the well-structured structure of TS3 and transformers it to something that has bigger and better images of how fire can take shape.
Economically, the making of this movie makes sense for you as Toy Story 3 made sense for the Pixar. Both series have grossed a billion at least with no signs of speed bumps in the road. Even after the absolutely boring “Revenge of the Fallen” really failed to recapture the spirit the first film, you cleared blasted Eminem’s “lose yourself” and picked yourself up ready to recapture the glory flag. But this Dark of the Moon movie isn’t about the moola. This is about righting the wrong!
You open your movie as Toy Story 3 does by giving us of a kick ass scene that sort of has something to do with the rest of the movie but it really does not. During the war over the robot planet Cybertron, a.k.a. Androidland, the leader of the Autobots (Sentinel Prime) acts like a true leader and decides to vacate the losing fight between the Autobots and the soon to be in control Decepticons. You make Sentinel suspiciously sound like Mr Spock, which I guess makes sense in that this casting is a ruse. Lenny Nemoy, who is cashing checks because of his highly logical character Spock from Star Trek lore, has a voice box that is pretty distinct. This allows the audience to draw the conclusion that this character is highly logical as well. But as we all know, the goal is to Santini the audience into believing that this new Autobot is a well thought out character.
As you made clear, once powered, the pillars create a gateway that does “something” that has got to be really important since Spock Prime uses his super leadership skills to load the pillars on a giant gigantic spaceship that is easy for the eye to see. Was it pure chance that every living Decepticon involved in the battle sees the giant ship take off and thus firing their weapons at the ship? I suppose the answer is that both movies open with a tone setting goal. Much like Andy’s vivid imagination that doesn’t make a lick of sense in reality, your opening is a visual sight that lacks any real sense of practicality.
Spock Prime’s space cruiser is shot causing the entire ship to lose power and drift aimlessly for centuries before crash landing on the earth’s moon. The good old 1960’s USA lead by Johnny F. Kennedy decide that they must investigate this mysterious ship on the moon’s surface and dedicate the space race to being the first country to identify the craft and its alien inhibitors who are currently knocked the fuck out for space drift boredom. Tone. Set. Match.
Meanwhile, as we join the fictional reality of present day earth, we find Optimus Prime and his gang (much like Woody and his pose) of Autobots still working with the military team N.E.S.T; the official alien immigration SWAT for the planet earth. In human command is Major Lennox ak.a. Josh Duhamel a.k.a. Timothy Olyphant who careful guides the viewer through a various range of emotions and concerns that one can have when dealing with Autobots. Much like the character “Andy” from the Toy Story 3 world, Lenox really has no control of the situation even though they were central characters in the first two films. Words like “They’re” and “like” and “teenagers” are used early and often as we come to understand the hardships of dealing with the teen species and those who act like teens. Andy and Lenox get screen attention and should be important but in reality, have little or nothing to do with the overall plot.
We join the N.E.S.T. team in land of Chernobyl where you introduce us to Tallonbot, the universes’ most environmentally friendly bot. Hopefully this is the characters name. When most bots turn themselves into cars or jets, Tallonbot shows he is one with nature by choosing to look like a giant turkey. Perhaps maybe a vulture? Both birdies sort of look the same. Hopefully you will be able to clarify of the commentary section of the upcoming Blu-ray release.
Tallonbot then is able to alert the hidden Decepticons named Ringwormamus and Cyclopsbotus a.k.a. Shockwave that they need to stop hiding. These Decepticons fulfill every toy owners dream and break all windows and walls in the abandoned warehouse before Optimus recognizes Cyclopsbotus as being none other than Shockwave, the most badass Decepticon. But please. Do not let him hiding for 50 years and two Transformer movies fool you. This bot hates the Autobots and can’t wait to get his one hand and ringworm on them. Our newly introduced character has one working eye and is hell bent on destruction. Did I just explain our cycloptic friend Shockwave or the Toy Story 3 Big Baby? Simply put, yes.
Like the true homicidal leader he is, Optimus Prime pouts around and gets very pissed off at the humans by staying silent and disguising himself as an earth vehicle. I guess that will teach those humans a lesson. After holding his breath until he is red and blue with flames in the face, the United States Sec of the Def allows Optimus to travel to the moon to recover Spock Prime and his science project. And to be honest, it’s a lame science project at that. It would be like having a machine that mixes peanut butter and jelly perfectly but you have travel millions on light-years away from the two slices of bread to use it. Enter the next scene and “Andy’s Mom” a.k.a. Mearing, the female dumbass bitchness played by Frances McDormand. Both Andy’s Mom and Secretary of Defense are two positions of authority where the audience immediately recognizes and understands the character and whatever idiotic actions they produce. The audience just rolls with it while the character is seemily doing what they think is the right thing. Though, it is not necessarily for the greater good. As such, Mearing kindly and indirectly explains what exactly has been going on off screen for a certain amount of time. She continues that the last mission was a failure in that the Decepticons are new badass Decepticons and are in possession of one of the pillars from Spock Prime’s retro craft.
But while I do see a number of similarities with the two films, I really do see no correlation between Optimus and the Toy Story world. This could explain why your Optimus character makes no sense at all. We could make the case and turn this into a Ferris Bueller is really Tyler Durden letter but we are better than that and can investigate this more thoroughly later.
As a change of pace, you guide us through the hardships of our hero Sam Witwicky, the newly graduated and unemployed savior for the last two attacks upon the earth. Allegedly. We join Sam as he is now praised by Obama in secret for his role in ‘Operation Stop Blowing Up Sand’ during the ever so anti-climactic climax to “Revenge of the Fallen.” Many pieces of sand were lost that day. Smh. Sam and Woody do share many similar character traits. Both are the outspoken and reluctant leaders of their respected group. Also, both were thought of as a prize by the second movies antagonists. And much like Woody, Sam has a toy girlfriend complete with stick legs and all.
That girlfriend is Carly, the human sex blowup doll with a manufacturing error on her lips. Added to the job list, Carly acts as Sammy’s human alarm clock during the morning in Washington D.C. but then works at the Milwaukee Art Museum for Dylan aka Dr. Accountant McDreamy. That is like 760 miles away. It is here we can come to understand that the Dylan character mirrors that of the Ken character completely as the audience isn’t sure what to make of the guy nor do we truly understand where his wealth comes from. Is he good, bad or indifferent? One could easily suggest that the Decepticons pay very well as it is pretty hard to be a wealthy billionaire by just managing the museum with Sam’s new squeeze doing a superb job of managing the day to day operations by posing for pictures and wearing tightly whitely skimpy dresses. But poor old Sam is not able to walk suggestively and have an IQ of an out of town cowgirl to secure down a job and is subjected to bottom of the totem pole humiliation working in the mailroom for some sort of color anal karate expert.
What you did make sure was that there is something here that is more than meets the eye.
Accountant McDreamy pushes Sammy’s buttons by implying that he will use his penis and money to have sex with Carly early and often. Same can be said about Ken. But who does Ken and McDreamy work for? Obviously the character we are all lead to believe is really the kindhearted and wise caretaker but is bad because they carry a 7th grade school girl pissy grudge. Just to be more specific, Sentinel Prime and Lotso. Yes, I know. We have seen this before in Karate Kid III. We are lead to understand that Spock Prime is the key to the puzzle causing the Autobots to do everything in their power to protect their once chicken shit leader. But in a surprising turn of events, the shit hits the fan. And by shit I mean shit. And by fan, I mean shit. This sets off a series of most likely scenarios that do manage to claims surprise. Sentinel boasts the claims of a deal with the Decepticons that was reached to help save Androidland.
Lotso also has a secret pack and has a vision to change his world. He wants to enslave those new toys so that the younger and more ferocious children can play at the cost of betraying his new found friends.
With the canvas set, we thank Toy Story for its help and watch as TF3 rolls out! And while we witness entirely plausible scenarios that don’t make sense, we grasp your concept of Bayhem, Mr. Bay
This forces Sam and his partner in arms Bumblebee to go all rogue samurai and secretly enlist the help of top government ex-pert played by Agent Simmons played by John Turtorro. Agent the Jesus reaches into his bag of tricks by having his off the chain bodyguard do some hacking. What type of hacking you may ask? TOP. NOTCH. Like Buzz Lightyear, Bumble is able to do lots of cool action moves while flying through the air and really has no problem drawing his weapon without hesitation. Both are able to be brave and courageous, and always willing to show extreme loyal to his friends. Also, both characters really don’t truly understand who they are. Both Buzz and Bumble constantly forget they are toy’s by always expressing human characteristics through prerecorded messages.
Allegedly, for the last 50 years, Decepticons have been buried under the Earth’s moon waiting for just the right moment to attack. Once given the order to come alive, Decepticons pit stop to good old Washington in the D.C. before ending up in the Chitown in order to unleash slaves to help rebuild Androidland. But for some reason, Spock goes all highly illogical and just decides to bring Androidland to earth. Amistad is still teaching us the most economical business practices, I suppose.
While it can be implied that Megatron is a physical mess due to the ass kicking he may or may not have received in Revenge of the Fallen, its hard to understand how dismal a role the character plays. I mean, did he also jump on the Megan Fox Michael Bay is the Hitler Volkswagen? Once Spock Prime shows up, it is almost as if Mega lost his manhood along with his screen time. It is curious why you took this character away after devoting such a large amount of story to him. The same can be said about Toy Story villain, the Evil Emperor Zurg. I suppose the holding back of these characters is a way to expand both worlds with more than one villain. But at the same time, I was often confused by the lack of established villains. I crave those in my popcorn films and wish you broke away from the Toy Story norm for the Mega.
But what I cant understand is why all of your “Prime’s” are pretty much mooks in metal. For the first Transformers, Optimus acted all heroic and such but really didn’t care for anyone who was being held in captivity or had their body torn in half. He fucks up some poor family’s pool and then just leaves probably causing psychological harm to the girl who witnesses it. By the end of the movie, Optimus has only decapitated one Decepticon but a theme and tone is set. For “Revenge of the Fallen”, our main baddie is a prime turned bad. Also, you show us Optimus’ first step toward insanity. At the end Fallen, Optimus dresses in the metal skin and remains of a dead robot. Hanibal Lecter, eat your heart out with fava beans. But, for the end of your trilogy, Optimus takes it up a notch. After Optimus and the Autobots get all bitchy and decide to leave earth, the Decepticons pretty much massacre all the people of Chicago. When the Autobots roll up and reveal they faked their departure, Optimus boasts that everything is going according to plan. And don’t get me wrong. Chicago had it coming. If the city really wants to put themselves out there and be Hollywood’s new cliché city, I think it needs to man and woman up a bit. Added to it all is the completely awesome-ish final scene, which unfortunately does feel a bit rushed. I know you are excited to be the first director to film the robot double tap to the head and ripping off with spine in tack robot murder. More like Decapitation-icon. Ahaha ha sigh.
But the truth is, we do not, will not or should not see a your films to be educated, have a life altering scene affect us or walk out of the theater better people. We go to not shut off our brains but rather watch badassery through the form on men with muscles holding heavy guns that have cars that are not on the market you who drive human sex dolls away from pending doom and various forms of fire all of which is shot in glorious high definition with 7.1 surround sounds. With expectations met and with wrongs or the second film corrected, I hereby end this letter with a Dark of the Moon satisfaction rating of seven and a half out of the generic ten.
Best,
Bo Digidy
“Thor” just reminds me of Super Mario Bros. I do not know when this started. Or why. Well, actually I do know why. When I get really bored during a movie, I usually zone out and create my own story that will either be way more obnoxious and exciting than the one I am watching or I will try to figure out where the writers motivation came from. For “Thor”, it has got to be the Super Mario Bros franchise. The reason for this tale is someone thought it would be great to see Thorio tediously go hammer time in 3D. The drawback is that the special effects are not special at all and are pretty much 16-bit in terms of color. That is why, I vote “Thor” the worst superhero movie I have seen on May 6th, 2011 and a game I figured how to beat a long time ago.
Now, before I get into this, I am going to say that it would be a tough job for Marvel to sell me the Thor story as a film. Aside from being a combination of Bruce Wayne and Superman (read spoiled rich God) in the Marvel universe, Thor’s story was never of the real world. It always was more a story of folklore with Norse God’s in distant universes that i will probably never visit rather than the real world parameters other superhero movies have established for me.
The movie starts off simple enough with the origin of the Thorio legacy. Thorio and his brother, Lokigi have been taught by their father, King Odin, about how to rule their Mushroom Kingdom from a very young age. This may or may not include Thorio always wearing red and Lokigi always wearing green. What it does include is the power of the Mjölnir hammer, an object that is just as important as it is useless. Much like a plunger. After an uncertain amount of years is assumed off screen, we find that it is Thorio who will be the sole heir to the Kingdom of Mushroom Asgard. During the Thorio promotion party, a group of Skeleton Koopas attempt to raid the secret vault that holds a Castle Key that is guarded by none other than Bowser the Destroyer. Now please keep in mind, like all Hollywood adaptions, certain liberties are taken with the costume design. But what is important is that the spirit of the character is on the screen. Bowser the Destroyer remains a fire breathing bitch that is hell bent on lighting up anyone who attempts to get past him.
NOTE TO THORIO: Using the Warp Cannon will be incredibly loud and bright and disturbing that it will be obvious to everyone in the galaxy that it was just used.
In the next level, we meet up with Gold Coin man aka the guardian of the finish line to Rainbow Road. And what would Goldie be guarding? A Super Mario Warp Cannon of course! ( I loved Mario’s feet graphic when he was shot out of them! )
So Thorio and Lokigi and crew sneak out of the Mushroom Kingdom by use of the Warp Cannon and travel to Vanilla Lake as they are quiet pissed someone tried to steal their castle key. The duo starts some shit and Daddy Odin comes to saves the day but also banishes Thorio down the toilet to earth.
Surprising, Thorio is flushed straight in the middle of Choco Island and then is fittingly hit by Princess Peach Toadstool during a Mario Kart race to be the first to get the mysterious electrical storm that might turn everyone into miniature versions of themselves. Peach, a.k.a. Jane Foster, is the dangerously helpless damsel in distress and love interest of Thorio. Which, is a weird role for Oscar winning Natalie Portman to be playing as it is so one dimensional to act of helplessly all the time but yet fall “in love” at the drop of a hat. But when all is said and done, I never really believed Thorio and the Princess would fall in love. I figured the two just make out or maybe even get to 3rd base since they both are so pretty.
Meanwhile, everyone’s favorite and loveable Agent Coulson (aka Toad) sort of putts around getting in people’s way and really serves no point other than taking screen time away from Thorio and the Princess. Sure, there is a plunger stuck in stone or maybe its a hammer. Who knows? But the Toad takes such valuable time that could have been used to either build a budding romance, show Thorio’s remorse for being an arrogant brat or, or, both. Instead we are left with scenes that feel more like lust than love and a quick scene of Thor giving out a breakfast to show his acceptance of humans and remorse for being a stupid mook.
When the final boss battle concludes, we are left pretty much at the same place where we started the film. Thorio is back playing the “me and ma blonde locks are heir to the throne role”, Loki is now Waluigi, (but that shouldn’t be so surprising nor should it be considered a character arc since the audience is told that the Gods are 100% based on Gods of Mythology and Thor and Loki are enemies in those stories), Princess Peach is still looking for her man and star constellation with Toad looking over her shoulder every step of the way. And as for Bowser the Destroyer? You just know he will be back some how.
And let me say this too. Odin is a dick. After playing a deadly game of tease with his Mushroom Kingdom throne, he goes all “hey I am dead. Peek-a-boo! No I am not! ” That is the type of stuff that assholes are made of. Or flip it and the reason he did it is to show Thorio isn’t the leader the movie just explained he became. Pffff stoopid fucking Thorio.
Sure, Thorio will find a new Warp Cannon to get back to earth in the Avengers next summer. But was this Thorio tale just a mediocre attempt by Marvel to introduce a character prior to next year to save everyone the burden of explaining who Thorio is?
Obviously, no.
5/10
See, Source Code is probably the worst movie that Jake Gylenhall has ever tried. Set just outside Gotham City Chicago, the Prince of Persia finds himself as Captain Colter Stevens, the highest ranking USA solider who is completely clueless about everything cool that the military does. The Captain is more importantly though, socially inept. Steven currently inhabits a damn metal cube with his only contact being a woman inside a television named “Goodwin.” The tv isn’t named Goodwin. Rather, the woman is. This beast then attempts to inform the Mr. Darko that he is a part of a secret government experiment that allows the Prince to inhabit another person’s body by using the “Source Code” as seen here.
Not to worry, Jake. I dont get it either.
This then leads to dunt, dunt borrrreeeeeeee suspense. Captain Persia’s mission is to figure out who set off the bomb on the train in Alternate Reality 1 and report back to the talking head so that future bombings can be prevented in Real World 1. Allegedly. Thrown into the mix is the innocent Christina Warren (Michelle Monaghan), the passenger seated directly across of the Prince and his eventual prey who must go along with this wacky train ride as the Prince takes time to whine and complain about getting to know each passenger on board who is a potential suspect. All the while, completely ignoring the most obvious suspect of them all; the fucking guy who is dropping wallets and running off the god damn train. But for the sense of suspense and a verbal agreement that a full feature movie should be longer than 10 minutes, The Prince takes us on a getting to know you trip into the passengers of the Gotham Express. Such passengers are but not limited to
• The cliché hometown comedian who isn’t funny but who is then forced to do his standup routine which everyone in the movie laughs at except the audience member who feels awkward and ashamed.
• The really pissed off guy talking on the phone.
• The college student who gets off the train in middle of Nowherenearacampus, Illinois.
• The wise old lady who just so happens to be in the same car as the Prince and who happens to know the emblem design of the top secret government project.
• The Middle eastern chap who seems like the obvious choice as the bomber suspect. It should also be noted that this character is designed to play on the audiences preconceived notions about Middle Eastern bombers and is a device to make the audience feel guilty about this as the poor schmuck is really average Joe Afghanni puking his brains out.
• The curt and technology loving guy. Love the ear piece.
• Needle Nose Ned who is cleverly disguised as a soda spilling bitch. Bing! Watch out for that first step, it’s a doozie!!!
From the start of the Source Code or should I say the start of the it isn’t time travel time travel movie, it is obvious that the concept of Source Code originated way back on a Wednesday night in good ol 1998. TV had such a crazy network called the UPN. See, way back when, Source Code writer Ben Ripley must have been a huge fan of the UPN show Seven Days. This show, which only lasted 3 season, saw lead Jonathan LaPaglia as a CIA someone who through the help of a god damn metal cube was able to go back and prevent a terrible action from occurring. So Benny got allegedly drunk on warm Mountain Dew and Mallomars and watched pure bliss unfold in front of his eyes. Needless to say, Ben was a smitten. And then, due to his enormous sugar intake, good old Ben must have stayed up to watch the late, late movie Under Siege 2: Train Edition. When Ben-o-mac woke up the next morning, the Source Code was born. Ripley’s tale is a poignant one and hopefully will be explored more should the movie be brought to home media. That means blu-ray.
Now, the greatest twist and I guess achievement that the Source Code is able to pull off is with the happy go lucky Hollywood ending that Santini’s everyone into thinking the movie makes sense. In having the audience sit through what feels like 20 or so scenes explaining how the alternate universe is a real place, with real people, you throw the audience a decent sized Santini when the Prince of Persia pretty much fully takes over the history teachers body thus killing off the guy in order to stalk Michelle Monaghan once off the train. The only really questions that the ending raises is how the Prince is going to kill off his new stalkee with his new body or how well is he going to teach history. Ohhh. Maybe for the sequel, we are treated to the story of a local Gotham City school who is being terrorized by a mysterious individual who keeps spray painting the rival school’s name on the outside wall. It is the Prince’s job to find out who is the culprit while inhabiting the body of student body favorite History teacher. I am sure there will be a wacky moment or two when the Prince grumbles about what he has gotten himself into as he grades exams, or when he quickly dismisses the rival school’s mascot, (corn rolled hair wearing Jared Leto) walking away from the scene of the crime as quickly as he can while the spray paint can in his hand leaks. If only we knew who the culprit is!
To conclude. Well done, Hollywood. Clap, clap. You win again.
Neither smart nor heart pounding, Source Code is a movie that attempts to convince audiences that the sci-fi genre is capable of producing fresh ideas. I will never write or make my own sci-fi film so I guess a pat on the back is deserved to Duncan Jones for putting himself out there. But… I also am not going to buy a sci-fi movie from the amazon, scribble out the director’s name and replace it with “Bo Digidy” and pass it off as my own. Basically, what I am trying to say is that Source Code needed one more car chase, three more 1 on 5 kung fu style fight scenes, one character played by a rapper, and a wise old janitor type to guide the Prince on his quest.
4/10
Story: Los Angeles is once again invaded by aliens. However, these aliens are not from planet earth but rather space aliens from unknown worlds. Soon to be retired staff sergeant Michael Nantz (aka Two-Face aka Harvey Dent aka Aaron Eckhart) is brought back into active field work duty to be a part of a platoon of US Maries who must rescue civilians from downtown Los Angeles before a United States bomb is launched with the attempt of wiping out the invaders. The Battle for the L.A. begins! Allegedly
Where to begin? Well, 2011 has pretty much sucked a nut thus far at the movies. Nothing original and not a thing good. It is a sad statement when my top movie so far is the under epic Nic Cage Season of the Witch.
One of the many problems with Battle: L.A. is just how many movies it pays “homage” to. See, “homage” is a nice way of saying blatant steal and rip-off copy. Bourne shaky cam? Check Low budget sci-fi feel of District 9? Check. Independence Day script with good and fun scenes omitted and replaced with Black Hawk Down outtakes? Check. Weird Michael Bay-esque military helicopters in formation? Check. Lack of logic and sense from the 2012 movie? Check. Spaceballs Mega Maid to suck the water off the earth?! Check.
This “homage” really shouldn’t be that big of a deal given 2011’s Hollywood standards. The issue is that Battle: LA doesn’t do these homages correctly. In fact, it is so piss poor that it is offensive. The shaky came is just terrible. Nothing is able to be seen and gets to a point where you figure out the production is using a shaky cam so that they do not have to spend a lot of money on the special effects. It is cute for the first hour, far less cute for the last.
Clichés that Battle: LA pay homage to.
• Aging hero is about to retire from active service but is called into one last mission.
• The movie stars a rapper turned actor. Thank you Ne-Yo, yo!
• People from Newark NJ know how hot wire automobiles. But to be fair the same Newarkian is an expert at weddings, is white and has a police moustache.
• a mother ship controls all the alien ships.
• highly sophisticated and intelligent alien invaders still can’t get weapons that lock on to the target. Thousands upon thousands of alien bullets are wasted.
• Two Faces constant use of time frame reference. “Not a day goes by” or “if you think for one second”.
Enter Michelle Rodriguez. M-Rod plays a communications officer who is the last surviving member of the tech team who was tasked with taking down the alien mother ship. But, for whatever reason, Mrs. M-Rod is far superior with a machine gun than the US Marines who train 24/7. But none of that matters really. For you see, the military has no idea how to kill these supposed aliens. I say supposed because you cannot really get a good look at them with the shaky cam. And I guess to be fair…if the audience is not able to get a clear understanding of what is invading, how can we expect the characters within the movie to as well. But maybe that is where the aliens are military superior than humans. Maybe these aliens really want to win so they invade earth with really shitty uniforms that have no noticeable features so that no one will remember what they saw. Super incognito aliens. Genius for an actual invasion! Super fucking boring for a science fiction film.
To his credit, Two Face is able catch the alleged alien to open up a chest, stab it, open up a brain, stab it, open up another chest, stab that and then arrive at the inner water chest. And then the Two Face is able to figure that stabbing the water chest kills these aliens. So obviously, trusting the non-technically superior marines with the order of using pin point accuracy to fire just to the left of the heart some how pays off in fucking extra dividends with ice cream and extra sprinkles.
Additionally, the Marines are fucking retarded. Not really Corky retarded or the assistant to the mean Cheerleader teacher on Glee but more of a Frankenstein retarded that is more annoying than loveable. To paraphrase a quote said by the Corpsman played by Adetokumboh M’Cormack after 45 minutes of an alien invasion… “their bodies are something that I have never seen before!” Well, no shit, you stupid mook. They are fucking aliens. Or when the marine is attacked by an alien and he shouts “What is that!?!” which is then followed by another marine who attacked by an alien and he shouts “What is that!?!” which is followed by another scene where another marine is attacked by an alien who shouts “What is that?!?!” We get it. Its aliens. They are not from earth.
By the time we get to the conclusion, there are very few questions answered. Is the title “Battle: LA” or “Battle: Los Angeles”? Did I even watch a battle? Is Aaron Ekhart and Thomas Jane related? Did the aluminum foil kill Papa Ese? Was the shooting script the first draft as well? Do the aliens prefer sparking or still? Smart Water or Poland Spring? Why do I care?
3/10*
*Note: if the score sucked, this movie would get a .5/10. However, Brain Tyler’s score is pretty much a slam dunk homerun goal and that helps the score.
So day 1 and rental 1 of the second generation Apple TV was successful. Predators, a film produced by Robby Rodriguez and directed by everyone’s home slice Nimród Antal is suppose to be a sequel, remake and retelling.
For this Predator tale, the name of the game continues to be human survival. A group people are dropped from the sky and parachute into a jungle. Leading this motley crew is Adrien Brody as a US black ops badass complete with the Christian Bale Batman voice. Great job by Brody in a role audiences may not be accustomed to seeing him in. I mean, what can I say? Adrian Brody really nose how to act. Also dropped out of the sky is a druggie cartel cliche (Danny Trejo), a wanna be samurai Yakuza hit man (Louis Ozawa Changchien), an Israeli sniper (Alice Braga), and a superstar serial killer (Walter Goggins). Finally, rounding out these folk is an American dentist played by Topher Grace; who may or may not be harboring a dark secret…hint, hint. If you don’t pay attention for the first hour of the film, you might be shocked by his big twist. I guess it’s the in thing to do to make the American the guy with evil intensions.
So, after the getting to know you phase, the group explores a bit only to discover they are involved in an oasis of a human hunt. Their hunters? A newly evolved Predator species that I am sure looked cooler in concept art than on the live action big screen.
Along the way, the group comes in contact with a human survivor who has gone a bit nutty played by the Lawrence Fishburne. From here, Predators hunt, people die, solid objects explode, blood is shed, things don’t get explained properly allowing the audience to think for themselves and thus, creating more negative confusion, and of course, the pretty solid, intense and dramatic music from John Debney.
So, long story short…. Based on what I have read at various blogospheres, part of the negative feedback is from what was shown in the trailer and what actually happened in the movie. The Iron Man 2 had a similar issue but the majority rarely barks loudly about that cut scene. To be honest, it really isn’t my problem that people got their asses’ Santini’ed by Hollywood with the trailer. Present day trailers either tell you everything or lie. Thus, ruining movies. Blurb me…”Attention world, movie trailers are the devil.” But, no one wants to know or care.
The other part of the negative feedback stems from I am not sure what. The truth is, Predators is suppose to act as a sequel to the original 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger classic. The Predators title, perhaps a nod to James Cameron’s Aliens, might conjure up a bit of bad memories for those who had to sit through the Alien vs Predator movies. But to be fair, Predators is a summer action film. It is nothing more and nothing less. Audiences who pretend that this film is nothing more than a remake/sequel/popcorn movie are at fault.
So, in conclusion, Apple TV > Predators.
Predators: 8/10
Apple TV: 1,000,000/10
“No, best thing about Z-land: No Facebook status updates. You know “Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday”. Who cares. ~ Jesse Eisenberg’s character in Zombieland.
The Social Network is without question, the best film example of this current generation. Money from technology, insecurity and the power that comes from that, slutty Asian girls, and of course, betrayal. From the opening dialogue heavy scene, to the bitches being brought the party like cattle, to the exclusive clubs of Harvard, The Social Network is about the creation of Facebook. While not fully immersed, the film touches upon people’s compulsion to be addicted to Facebook. To upload photo’s. Give status updates. Give marital status and other status updates.
Adapted from the book I never will read “The Accidental Billionaires”, the film takes place during three separate time periods in Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s (Jesse Eisenberg) life…the time he spent at Harvard and California building Facebook, the time he spent during a deposition while getting accused of stealing the idea of Facebook by the Winklevoss twins and during the deposition brought on by his former bff and co-founder of Facebook Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield aka the Spider-man 3d). All edited masterfully and swiftly no scene, besides the opening, will deliberately linger and quickly moves from one to the next. A tip of the cap should go to the film’s composers Trent Reznor and his Nine Inch Nails collaborator Atticus Ross. Their score, which should have enough hype to get it a Oscar nomination, is able to give The Social Network the appropriate mood that allows greater fluidity to the fast paced dialogue.
Aside from the insanely addictive dialogue from Aaron Sorkin, the highlight of the film for me is director’s David Fincher’s use of Tilt Shift Photography. Go see the film just for that. It is worth it.
When news broke of David Fincher’s involvement with the production, I was a bit confused with his desired involvement. I was mostly confused because I have no idea what he is like personally and like to link my daily confusion with his film choices. And you know what? There still is a side of me that feels this way. Both writer and director and nearing the age of 50, yet both are able to tap into the modern youth so vividly you would think of them as peers. The Social Network is Fincher’s only film without death or guns. That said, the way I see it is as this and I pretty much refuse to dwell on the matter any other way but my own. This is Fincher’s love story that he can check off on his director filmography. Alien³ was his Sci-fi. Se7en is his horror. The Game his action. Fight Club his political. Zodiac was his time period piece. Benji Buttons was his supernatural. The Social Network is his love story for a few reasons.
First, the story. While females might take offense to the way women are portrayed on screen, the film’s foundation is two very human and accomplished women that serve as bookends if you will to the various sluts throughout. It is Mark Zuckerberg’s desire to want to love these women ( Rooney Mara and Rashida Jones) even though he wants to be surrounded by the cattle sluts. It’s this love story, all be it tragic, that forms the foundation to the story of the Facebook.
Second, the structure of the story. The majority of the love story movies I have been subjected to are incomplete. The story only tells a fracture of the timeline meaning the time “Person A” completely falls in love with “Person B.” Rarely if ever, do you see the marriage, the children, the growing and the death. Same story structure applies to The Social Network. The story of Facebook is far from over. The social aspect has yet to hit its peak. The legal litigation is far from over with the complete story incomplete until the site eventually dies down.
9/10
American truck driver Paul Conroy (Ryan Reynolds) has just woken up in a coffin buried 6 feet deep in Iraq. In the death box with him is a Blackberry, a flashlight, a glow stick, and a few other items left by his captors. The only character on screen is Conroy (I hear but want to see you Stephen Tobolowsky!!) and Reynolds does succeed in making this gimick work for an hour and 40 minutes. To be fair, the camera work is the sole reason the gimmic works. The camera is never boring and can be at times more interesting than what is going on within the coffin. Nothing from Reynolds performance is unexpected with the only thing that limiting him is the script by Chris Sparling. Adventureland will remain Reynolds’ best performance to date followed closely by Smokin Aces (go screw, I liked it!).
Director Rodrigo Cortés should be praised for his work on this and probably will win some type of Spanish movie award because that is what “they” do. Cortés direction on Buried could have made this film unwatchable but, he succeeds and the movie is in fact watchable.
I guess he took extra good notes from Kill Bill Vol 2?.
Buried will be so watchable that some studio will attempt to duplicate it in some form down the road. That doesnt mean the film is good though. The main reason for this is the script and the ending. The script is weak mainly because of the type of character Conroy is. It is not that he isnt likeable, he is just plain stupid. As for the ending, I wont spoil it but I will be general with describing it. It is lame. It is predictable. It is suppose to be shocking but it isn’t. I understand why they have it. I can respect the ending conceptually but it is just lame.
As soon as the credits roll and the lights go on, my first thought was “What a dumb mook. I would have been out of the box in 10 minutes with my iPhone.”
The last failure is watching this film in the theater with fucking savages. If you have the means, rent out the entire theater and just go with people who won’t talk. It pretty much ruins the movie when people talk during the silence. And there are long stretches of that.
6/10
“I loved you in ‘Wall Street!’” Topper Harley/Benjamin Willard in Hot Shots: Part Deux
Oh how misleading Hot Shots has done me! With Wall Street 2 making its rounds at the local theater this weekend, and mostly because I won’t go to a theater to actually see it, I thought best to do a review retrospective of the 1987 Oliver Stone movie, Wall Street.
Plot:
Charlie Sheen plays Bud Fox, a young, impatient and apparently infatuated stockbroker. Who does Bud lust for? Gordon Gekko, played by actor Michael Douglas; a role that got Douglas an Oscar, Gekko is the man when it comes to business of stocks. So much so that Buddy Fox wants to be his partner or do some sort of business or something. In knowing that Fox will do anything for him, Gekko exploits the Fox leading to insider trading.
Released in 1987, Wall Street was a film that that showed off the 80’s lifestyle, fashion and technology. But… when a film encapsulates itself so firmly within a time frame, the result when viewing almost 20 years later is a caricature. And I know what you are thinking. “It was supposed to be about that.” “It was supposed to look like that.” “That’s how the 80’s were!” “You are missing the point of the story and focusing where you need not be!”
And I say no, voice in my head, it DOES matter.
I get that 80’s fashion and technology was a joke looking back. No greater example of that from a 1980’s Bill Murray talking about technology.
That doesnt mean I have to like it in 2010.
Things I thought of while watching Wall Street
>> Charlie Sheen’s best work remains the Hot Shots movies.
>> Daryl Hannah was not, is not nor will ever be hot with her deep voice and spaced out eyes.
>> The story is by far the weakest aspect of the film. A watered down stock film with the hopes that a larger audience can latch on.
>> I GET IT. The 2 father figure scenario. LET IT GO!
>> In light of Michael Douglas’ battle with throat cancer, I said out loud “Aww that can’t help things” a few times when watching Gordon Gekko light a cigarette.
>> And the ultimate crime, the crying walkout scene. Worst scene of the decade?
>> Or does that go to the looking at the sun set at the beach telephone conversation. It is a tossup.
>> You-whoooo? James Spader’s character…..Where did you go???? I fell like there is 20 minutes of scenes cut. It would have made the film that tougher to watch but at least the story would have been smoother.
>> Oliver Stone needs to do a comedy.
>> I wonder if John C. McGinley channeled his Wall Street character Marvin in Office Space? Hmmm
4/10